Happy Monday!
During our curriculum night on October 13th, we discussed an important aspect of the Montessori approach: fostering independence by recognizing when our help is helpful and when our help may actually be hindering our children.
Our young toddlers are eager to do things for themselves, even when they haven’t quite mastered the skills yet. As parents and caregivers, our instinct is to step in when we see them struggling. We want to help, protect them from frustration, and make things easier. But before we jump in, it is worth asking ourselves: Am I helping my child learn, or am I taking away an opportunity for them to learn on their own?
At this age, frustration is a natural part of learning. A toddler might struggle to fit a puzzle piece, take off a sock, maneuver a push toy around an obstacle, or get a piece of pasta onto their fork. It can be tempting to do it for them, especially when we know we can do it faster. But when we step in too soon, we take away more than the opportunity to practice a skill. We take away the opportunity to experience the pride and satisfaction of accomplishing something for themselves. That moment when a child finally figures something out after trying and trying is meaningful. They get to discover, “I did it!” When we do it for them, even with the best intentions, we take that experience away from them.
In Montessori, we believe in “helping the child to help themselves.” This means learning to pause, observe, and give our children time to work through challenges before stepping in. We may see frustration and assume our child is distressed, when sometimes they are simply saying, “This is hard, and I’m still figuring it out!” We can stay close, acknowledge their efforts, and offer encouragement without taking over. If they become overwhelmed or need assistance, we can help just enough for them to continue. Stepping back does not mean leaving our children to struggle alone; it means trusting them enough to give them a chance.
This week, I encourage you to look for small opportunities at home to let your toddler take the lead. Allow them to try feeding themselves, put their toys away, help carry a small item, or participate in getting dressed. These everyday moments may take a little longer, and they may be a little messy, but they are meaningful opportunities for growth. Our children do not need us to make everything easy for them; they need us to provide a safe environment, loving support, and the time to discover what they are capable of. Each time we pause, observe, and allow them to try, we communicate something powerful: I trust you. You are capable. You can do hard things. And there is nothing more rewarding than watching a child look up with that proud little smile after accomplishing something they worked so hard to do themselves!
-Morah Kenzie and Morah Aitana